Some time (2 weeks) ago I did something I thought I never would be able to do...
I passed my driving exam the first time!!! So proud at myself right now especially if I realize how much I was afraid of driving or being in a car.
Now I need to drive more regularly and learn to drive our car and so I am well aware this is only the first step...however, it's a big one and I'm proud at it.
Wednesday 7 September 2011
Tuesday 1 September 2009
THE day coming closer...
Well, I've been thinking of writing a new post for the past couple of days but decided against it.
Just to see whether I can get more of a hold on what I am actually thinking and why, and how to describe it.
However, analysing can only go so far... so here are my thoughts for the day...
My thoughts are pretty much all over the place and all of these feelings are wanting attention.
The first thing is: I suddenly realize how ruthless time is. Whether I want it or not THE day is coming. I can't stop the time, I can't slow it down and I can't keep hold of it
This is something that hit me like a brick wall 2 days ago.
You know...I have known for months this was going to happen but it always seemed far enough away...and now suddenly... it's almost here!
I know that I will miss my girl, that I will miss touching her, holding her, cuddling her and I want to keep hold of the memories and the feelings that we're having right now. When I hold her...
But I know this is not possible.
On the other hand I'm looking forward to doing all the fun stuff that I have planned, of stretching my own being and learning about myself. And I know I'm strong and I can do it and that she won't have to worry.
But...at certain times I feel sheer panic in my body a feeling of doom...
I guess all of this is part of it. Part of the learning experience. I KNOW I'm strong enough, I KNOW I'm going to have fun and in actual fact I KNOW that a month is gone before you know it...
To be continued!
Just to see whether I can get more of a hold on what I am actually thinking and why, and how to describe it.
However, analysing can only go so far... so here are my thoughts for the day...
My thoughts are pretty much all over the place and all of these feelings are wanting attention.
The first thing is: I suddenly realize how ruthless time is. Whether I want it or not THE day is coming. I can't stop the time, I can't slow it down and I can't keep hold of it
This is something that hit me like a brick wall 2 days ago.
You know...I have known for months this was going to happen but it always seemed far enough away...and now suddenly... it's almost here!
I know that I will miss my girl, that I will miss touching her, holding her, cuddling her and I want to keep hold of the memories and the feelings that we're having right now. When I hold her...
But I know this is not possible.
On the other hand I'm looking forward to doing all the fun stuff that I have planned, of stretching my own being and learning about myself. And I know I'm strong and I can do it and that she won't have to worry.
But...at certain times I feel sheer panic in my body a feeling of doom...
I guess all of this is part of it. Part of the learning experience. I KNOW I'm strong enough, I KNOW I'm going to have fun and in actual fact I KNOW that a month is gone before you know it...
To be continued!
Thursday 27 August 2009
Feelings and thoughts... less than 2 weeks to go
It's been a while again since I used this blog, but I decided that it's going to serve a purpose again.
As some of you may know... my girl Angela is going to leave for Thailand in less then 2 weeks together with a friend of us. Our friend is going there for surgery and Angela decided to help a friend in need.
Which means for me that for a whole month she will be about halfway around the world compared to where I am.
Now as you might imagine my feelings about this were quite all over the place although they have settled down. I will probably touch upon this in later blogs as I'm quite sure that I want to get it out from time to time.
However, for now I just want to tell you how I'm coping with all of this at this moment in time. Knowing time flies and that, before I know it... these last days are gone.
How do I do that? It's quite simple and then again it isn't... I'm trying to live in the moment. To experience moments together as deep as I possibly can. So not fleetingly do something and almost forgetting it WHILE you are doing it.
I always sit down with Angela after showering in the morning. She is then still snoozing in bed and I watch the news headlines.
The past week or so I make a note to myself to do this MINDFULLY (ie to really be in the moment). As I want to be able to conjure up that image when she is so far away.
How cuddly and warm she is, how she smells and how she looks. And how my hand gets warmed up when it's touching her skin and and and...
Also...I notice now that when you do that, when you try to be mindful.. sure time still flies but it seems to sometimes almost stand still for one fleeting moment.
This I also had when we were shopping last Saturday. I made sure to tell myself to be in the moment and enjoy it. The simple things/standard things...doing it together. Walking hand in hand in the sunshine outside, going to look for food and just enjoy each other company.
I'll be ok, I'm making the memories right now and loving it. I'm planning for tomorrow but not thinking about it too much as it also comes when you don't worry about it or think about it...
To be continued on this journey of self discovery... :)
As some of you may know... my girl Angela is going to leave for Thailand in less then 2 weeks together with a friend of us. Our friend is going there for surgery and Angela decided to help a friend in need.
Which means for me that for a whole month she will be about halfway around the world compared to where I am.
Now as you might imagine my feelings about this were quite all over the place although they have settled down. I will probably touch upon this in later blogs as I'm quite sure that I want to get it out from time to time.
However, for now I just want to tell you how I'm coping with all of this at this moment in time. Knowing time flies and that, before I know it... these last days are gone.
How do I do that? It's quite simple and then again it isn't... I'm trying to live in the moment. To experience moments together as deep as I possibly can. So not fleetingly do something and almost forgetting it WHILE you are doing it.
I always sit down with Angela after showering in the morning. She is then still snoozing in bed and I watch the news headlines.
The past week or so I make a note to myself to do this MINDFULLY (ie to really be in the moment). As I want to be able to conjure up that image when she is so far away.
How cuddly and warm she is, how she smells and how she looks. And how my hand gets warmed up when it's touching her skin and and and...
Also...I notice now that when you do that, when you try to be mindful.. sure time still flies but it seems to sometimes almost stand still for one fleeting moment.
This I also had when we were shopping last Saturday. I made sure to tell myself to be in the moment and enjoy it. The simple things/standard things...doing it together. Walking hand in hand in the sunshine outside, going to look for food and just enjoy each other company.
I'll be ok, I'm making the memories right now and loving it. I'm planning for tomorrow but not thinking about it too much as it also comes when you don't worry about it or think about it...
To be continued on this journey of self discovery... :)
Monday 27 April 2009
Sunday 26 April 2009
Rose
Taken in our own garden.
There's just something about roses that is beautiful :)
Thursday 19 March 2009
Tuesday 17 March 2009
Sunbathing bird :)
Sunbathing...
Don't you just want to do the same when you see this?
Although I think that it lies a bit hard...
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